Yeah, I know it’s late January, a little late for New Year’s predictions, but so what? The tens of people who read this blog can put up with some late predictions if you ask me. Some of them are probably still trying to recover from that trip to granny’s house where they stole her special cherry ‘liqeur” from the cabinet and drank it after she fell asleep under her shawl during the 7pm rerun of Diagnosis Murder. You know who you are.
The others have all already become depressed about the fact that this will be another year where the resolutions are not going to be met, and will have resigned themselves to this fact, dating people who are beneath their standards, staying in the same job, and attending churches where they are greeted by a cheerful young man named Jeff.
Anyway, let’s get to some Sports Media predictions for 2008. No one who follows sports can escape the all seeing/broadcasting/perpetuating ESPN, so I will start with some ESPN-specific predictions:
- Stuart Scott’s lazy eye will get it’s own show on ESPN 2, where for shtick sake it will become a Duke fan and relentlessly criticize Michael Jordan.
- If the Patriots win the Super Bowl, Bill Simmons will lose half of his audience because of his relentless braggadocio.
- If the Patriots lose the Super Bowl, 5 million people will click on Bill Simmons column to see him eat some crow, and he will never mention it. His first column immediately after the Super Bowl will be all about the Celtics. This will create a great quandary for the Sports Guy – more people will read him when Boston’s teams suck.
- Mike Golic will finally have enough of Greenburg’s jabs and beat the heck out of him in a crazed rage while puny staff people try to stop it. Unfortunately, it will be during a commercial break, and when they come back on air, a statement will be read that says simply “Golic has left ESPN to pursue other opportunities. We wish him the best.”
- The NHL will offer ESPN money to televise its games. ESPN will decline.
- Charles Barkley will criticize Michael Vick, and Stephen A Smith will call Sir Charles a racist.
- Defying the odds and good sports sense, the WNBA will persevere another year on ESPN.
- Colin Cowherd will leave a gathering late at night with some friends, and as he walks back to his car, he will realize that there is a group of angry looking nerds following him. As they get closer, he will realize that they are sports bloggers, and the last thing he will hear as they start to pound him with golf clubs is “In Cyber-space, no one will hear you scream.”
Some other predictions:
- NBC will launch a reality show – America’s Next Top Dinner Table, with host and judge Charlie Weis.
- Brent Musberger will intentionally mangle a college football player’s name, and Kirk Herbstreit will garrote him after USC beats Ohio State. (And yes, this could have gone in the ESPN section, but the game will be televised on ABC)
- Versus will again televise the Tour de France, which will feature three cyclists riding around Marseille for one day while constantly hooked up to machines that monitor body chemistry.
- Verne Lundquist will reprise his Soulja Boy dance at the Image Awards, garnering him a whole new audience.
If you got others, put ‘em in the comments…..
