Lookin’ for in-depth statistical analysis LSU-OSU? Go here. If it’s not there yet, it will be.
You want some position by position breakdown? Check this one out.
You want insight into what Ohio State Buckeye fans are thinking? This blog is for you.
You want a blackboard breakdown of how Todd Boeckman’s checkdowns will counter LSU’s defensive speed? Not going to find it here.
Nor will this blog decry the Big-10’s supposed lack of speed, Ohio State’s lackluster out-of-conference schedule, LSU’s bad losses to Kentucky and Arkansas.
We will not go the way of calling this matchup “The Hat vs. The Sweatervest.” Sartorial humor is so tired.
No, this matchup is nothing less than a winner-takes-all, all-in, everything on the table, nuclear-key-engaged, over-hyphenated war between two states. It is a matchup of ‘the Ohio State University’ and ‘Louisiana State University.’ Henceforth, the teams will only be referred to by their Postal abbreviations: LA and OH. Let’s go to the scorecard:
2 to LA for not being pretentious and putting a ‘the’ in front of the University name.
1 to OH for being bigger.
1 to OH for suffering through the Indians, Reds and Cavaliers.
2 points to LA for the Saints.
-2 to OH for Akron, and Dayton.
-1 to LA for Jimmy Swaggart.
-1 to LA for Shreveport, which is basically the town from Back to the Future II, when Biff had taken over. Besides, Shreveport really would prefer to be a part of Texas.
1 to LA for cuisine.
-1 to OH for being between Detroit and WV – that’s like being the meat in a Roseanne Barr – Della Reese sandwich.
2 to LA for having to exist next door to Arkansas and Texas. One will continually remind you that they were once their own nation, and one can’t spell nation.
1 to LA for New Orleans culture, food, and friendliness.
-5 to LA for New Orleans levees, rats, politics, roads, infrastructure, and the fact that the state once encouraged residents to eat nutria.
-2 to OH for being exceptionally brown and completely without personality.
-1 to LA for having a low literacy rate, and poor dental health.
The current score: OH -2, LA 0. After I plug these numbers into the special PSS algorithm machine on a series of specially designed punch-cards embossed with an imprint of Slash from Guns n’ Roses, it tells me that the final score will be:
LSU 25.53249, OSU 21.1113.*
*Not valid for gambling purposes.
Filed under: Picks/Prognotications | Tagged: BCS, Buckeyes, College Football, LSU, National Championship, Ohio State, Tigers
